If I Had a Vote: 2015 Baseball Hall of Fame

This morning, yet another Hall of Fame class gets announced.  Once again, this class is shrouded in controversy as the "Steroid Era" continues to keep some of the best players of the last 25 years out of Cooperstown.  So once again, the ballot is stacked with more deserving players than can get in any particular year.  The clock is ticking on some of them, especially since the latest rule change making players only eligible for 10 years instead of 15 years.

Here is how the Hall of Fame process works.  Baseball writers are able to vote for up to 10 players any particular year, but could turn in an empty ballot also.  For a player to make the Hall, they have to appear on 75% of the ballots.  If a player appears on less than 5% of the ballots, they are not eligible to be on the ballot next year.  Only three players last year were taken off the ballot that earned more than 1%.  Hideo Nomo and Moises Alou barely earned over 1%, while the most surprising result of last year was Rafael Palmeiro, one of the only players with 500 home runs and 3000 hits in baseball history, just fell under the 5% threshold.  He is the only one on the ballot that tested positive for steroids during his playing career so if someone was going to fall off the ballot, I guess it was him.

So who would I vote for if I had a was given a ballot (which I obviously should)?  Well, first let's look at the players that will be seeing the ballot for the first, and most likely only, time.  This is always a fun walk down memory lane of mediocrity, and seeing names we haven't seen in at least five years.

First (and Only) Ballot Guys

* = shot at a 2nd ballot

+ = deserves a 2nd ballot

Rich Aurilia

Aaron Boone

Tony Clark

Carlos Delgado*+

Jermaine Dye

Darin Erstad

Cliff Floyd

Nomar Garciaparra*+

Brian Giles

Tom Gordon

Eddie Guardado

Troy Percival*+

Jason Schmidt

Honorable Mentions

Sammy Sosa (3rd year on ballot)

Larry Walker (5th)

Mike Mussina (2nd)

Gary Sheffield (1st)

Fred McGriff (6th)

My Ballot

1.  Randy Johnson (1st)

This is the biggest slam dunk on this year's ballot.  Randy Johnson was the most dominant left-hander in the game for almost two decades.  He very well may be one of the last pitchers to ever earn 300 wins.  He was a brand all his own with his 6'10" frame firing his upper-90's fastball and devastating slider.  There were times he was practically unhittable.  And I'm not going to lie, but the thought of someone potentially being placed in the Hall of Fame wearing a Mariners hat makes me shed an inner tear of joy.

2.  John Smoltz (1st)

The only disappointment John Smoltz will face this morning is when that he didn't get in last year with Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, and Bobby Cox.  That would have been truly poetic.  There is no denying that Smoltz is a first ballot Hall of Famer though.  He won over 200 games, being a truly dominant starter at several points in his career.  He also was the most dominant closer in the game for a stretch as his arm healed from surgery.  No one has been more durable, versatile, and dominant all in the same career.

3.  Roger Clemens (3rd)

As I stated last year, I think all Steroid Era players should be judged on the merits of their careers, not what they may have done to get there.  There were no rules against it, there is no way of knowing everyone who did it.  Let it be.  With that said, the Rocket defied all logic in being ridiculously dominant into his mid-40's.  He seemed to just keep getting better.  A Hall without Roger Clemens is not a Hall telling the story of the National Pastime.

4.  Barry Bonds (3rd)

He has a similar argument to Roger Clemens, and in fact, probably a better.  He has the single season home run record, the career home run record, and a crazy number of MVP awards.  He was also one of the most feared hitters in the history of the game, before or after he allegedly took anything.  Clemens and Bonds would both be Hall of Famers without the insane uptick in stats when the alleged steroid use started.  He changed the way the game is played, and belongs in the Hall.

5.  Edgar Martinez (6th)

I don't understand how he has not gotten in yet and doesn't have more support.  Edgar is the best designated hitter of all time, but some writers still don't consider the DH a legitimate baseball position.  Plus, Edgar played his entire career in the mass media black hole that is Seattle.  The first DH to get in the Hall of Fame will be David Ortiz because he played in Boston.  Edgar is the one that has his name on the "DH of the Year" trophy.  Can you imagine Cy Young getting left out of the Hall of Fame?  No.  So put Edgar in!

6.  Pedro Martinez (1st)

When I first started looking at Pedro's candidacy for the Hall, I thought he was getting talked up for being in the middle of the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry.  Then I looked at his career a little closer.  Over an 18 year career, Pedro had over 200 wins and an ERA under 3.00.  He also spent a good part of the 90's being the best kept secret in the league playing for the Montreal Expos.  Once he went to Boston, he just continued his dominance which culminated in his 1999 All Star Game appearance where he struck out 5 of 6 in his appearance in possibly the most dominant moment in All Star Game history.  Pedro's colorful career has definitely earned his way into the baseball's highest honor.

7.  Craig Biggio (3rd)

Biggio ended up 2 votes short last year, which almost guarantees his chances of getting in this year, but does he deserve it?  There are a few career statistics that are almost guaranteed to get you in: 500 home runs (which isn't as guaranteed as it used to be), 300 wins, and 3000 hits.  Biggio reached the 3000 hit mark over a career that saw him quietly become one of the best and most respected hitters in the league.  He was the greatest team player in league, moving from catcher to second base to center field back to second base because that is what the team needed.  He maintained his level of excellence through his long and distinguished career.

8.  Mike Piazza (3rd)

He is the best hitting catcher of all time.  He deserves to be in the Hall, and will get in eventually.

9.  Curt Schilling (3rd)

I don't understand how Schilling doesn't get more support.  Pitching stats aren't quite what they used to be.  Getting to 300 wins makes you a no-brainer (see Maddux and Glavine last year, Johnson this year).  His stat line is comparable to Pedro Martinez, and he became a legendary postseason performer.  It would be quite poetic if Schilling went into the Hall the same year as Randy Johnson as they were the co-MVP's of the one and only Diamondback World Series championship.  As it looks now, I don't know if he will ever get it.

10.  Mark McGwire (9th)

First off, I realize McGwire will never get in.  He only has one more chance after this year, and his numbers are trending in the wrong direction.  With that said, he was one of the purest power hitters the game ever saw.  Why should steroid use keep him out?  If I had another spot on this list, Sosa would be on the ballot as well if for no other reason than the magical chase of history these two had in 1998.  In their pursuit of breaking Roger Maris's 61 home run mark, McGwire and Sosa single-handedly revitalized the country's interest in the game.  When McGwire broke the record playing the Cubs, and Big Mac and Sosa were able to celebrate that moment together, behind Cal Ripken's celebration for breaking Gehrig's streak, it was the single most memorable moment in baseball in the 1990's.  He was a Hall of Famer with or without steroids.  Stop the debate, and put him in.


This is who I would vote for.  Now who is going to get in?  Rarely to more than one or two get in.  Last year, three got in.  Some people are speculating up to 6 get in this year.  I will predict 5 will get in.

Randy Johnson

Pedro Martinez

John Smoltz

Craig Biggio

Mike Piazza

SNL 40.10 Review - Amy Adams, One Direction

Original Airdate - 12/20/14

The Christmas episode is always is special time at Saturday Night Live.  They always get the top-notch hosts, the best cameos, the best musical guests.  It's traditionally one of the best episodes of the season.  This has at least been the case the last few seasons with superstar former castmembers running the show: Jimmy Fallon three years ago, Martin Short two years ago, and topping it off with the power couple of Jimmy Fallon with Justin Timberlake as musical guest/co-host last year.  For the 40th season, they had to pull out all the stops again for the Christmas episode, right?  Well, Amy Adams is a solid choice for a host, but maybe not ideal as the host for such an important episode similar to Chris Pratt's choice for the season opener.  An amazing Christmas episode was still possible, but then you add in the uncomfortable and awkward mood surrounding a variety show like SNL that lives on social satire the week a movie was pulled from theatres due to alleged terrorists threats from North Korea because it is a satire of their country.  Saturday Night Live had to be very careful with how they responded to such an un-American act of censorship, or did they?  They tried to ride that line very carefully throughout the episode, leading to a solid episode under the circumstances, but overall an underwhelming Christmas episode.

Cold Opening

The episode definitely got off to its strongest start of the season as they found the perfect way to comment on the events of the week.  After starting "A Very Somber Christmas with Sam Smith," which would match one of the potential moods of an episode where they would be forced to hold back for fear of censorship or retaliation.  It is then interrupted by the only person that could get away with being perfectly blunt and candid on the Sony hack controversy, Dr. Evil.  I mean, he went to Evil Medical for goodness sake!  Mike Myers resurrects this character and gives a scathing commentary on North Korea, Hollywood, Sony, and even his own career.  This sketch did what it needed to do; it broke the ice and loosened everyone up on a night that had the potential to be tough to do comedy.  The main thing this sketch did for me was remind me that we are coming up on 13 years since the last Austin Powers movie.  I know the last one wasn't great, but man that's just way too long of a drought...

Monologue

Amy Adams's monologue officially makes it a trend of the writers simply mailing it in and giving up on writing good material for some bits.  It makes sense that Amy Adams would sing for her monologue.  She has an amazing voice and it's the Christmas episode.  Why not?  If that's all it was, it would have been simple, elegant, and classy.  It would have fit our host perfectly.  However, Kristen Wiig comes out to crash the monologue.  Although it's always cool to see Wiig come back time after time, it felt like she was simply just told to go out and riff.  It felt like an unorganized mess that did what is hard for a monologue to do; it royally screwed it up.

Weekend Update

Here was the next opportunity to comment on the aftermath of the Sony Hack and the shutdown of The Interview.  Jost and Che were hired as Weekend Update co-anchors to push the envelope a little more than Seth Myers and Cecily Strong had been doing.  So here was their chance.  They definitely didn't shy away from the topic.  Could they have done more?  Sure.  Was it good enough?  Sure.  The best commentary on the situation came with the first guest, as Bobby Moynihan comes out in his Kim Jong-Un outfit.  I think everyone in America had the same reaction as Colin did.  "No no no no..."  Referring to him as Bobby instead of by character, Colin talked a very confident Moynihan down from the comedic ledge in one of the better commentaries of the current situation.  Next, Kenan came out as a perfect character for the occasion as he is Positive Willy with nothing to be positive about around the holidays.  It was one of the depressing but funny sketches.  And last but not least, since you have Kristen Wiig around why not pry Fred Armisen away from the Late Night set and have some Garth & Kat time.  These two are so good at this that it never ceases to be funny, even when it's impossible for them to keep a straight face.

Best Sketch

A few episodes ago, there was a sketch about a sitcom that was constantly changing its cast and concept to accommodate to fans' comments about political correctness.  It was a very effective commentary on how our society is so concerned about offending someone that it refuses to make a comment on anything.  What became a sort of follow-up sketch in a way, this commercial for "Asian American Girl" makes a similar statement in a much more direct and funny way.  The doll is completely generic with no cultural or stereotypical statements coming with it.  The kids in the sketch become the voice of reason as the parents did everything they could to not say anything wrong by not saying anything at all.  It is a very clever sketch that is not only funny, but a perfect statement on how our society is getting upset about one kind of censorship (The Interview) but is promoting another form without even realizing it.

Worst Sketch

I didn't really dislike any sketch in this episode.  With that said, this one was just too weird for me.  Two guys out for a drink hear a group of sisters singing when things go a little strange.  The strangest thing about this sketch is someone had to be in some sort of mindset to come up with this insane idea.  For pure originality, this sketch deserves a watch, but wow ... where did that come from?

Dark Horse Sketch

If you have ever read any of my SNL reviews, you will know I have a soft spot when it comes to impressions.  So when this sketch about a Cuban Christmas Special started, I was excited to see what impressions would come out of this sketch addressing one of the lost news stories of the week.  The impressions that came out of it were so-so, and the sketch would have been fairly forgettable if it wasn't for the impression of Fidel Castro.  The sketch is worth watching just to see it.  Don't blink, or you might miss it.

Grade

Like I said, this episode didn't really have a bad sketch.  The problem was outside of the Cold Open, it didn't really have a great sketch either.  Amy Adams is a great host, and this was a strong episode.  However, as a Christmas episode, it was quite disappointing.  Looking back now at the first half of the season, this episode was a great microcosm.  There were some great moments, and some moments where the writers failed.  At other times, the writing has been quite clever and intelligent.  With all that said, I have high hopes for the second half of the season as the show continues to do everything it can to get out of the shadow of Wiig, Armisen, Hader, Myers, Samberg, and the rest of the recent past.

***B-***

View the full episode here:

SNL 40.9 Review - Martin Freeman, Charli XCX

Original Airdate - 12/13/14

Martin Freeman might be the most successful actor no one really knows.  He's like the ultimate, "You know, that one guy from..." and insert successful project here: The Hobbit, Fargo, Sherlock, British The Office... Yeah, that guy.  He has been the consummate straight man, but can he handle comedy?  Well, those that remember him in Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World's End know that he has the potential to be an all-time great host.  Although this episode wasn't the revelation I was hoping for, it was good enough to hopefully earn a second go-around at some point.

Cold Opening

The Cold Opens have definitely been getting better recently.  This is no exception as Charlie Rose looks into the military's third party torture think tank.  It sounds like quite the downer of a sketch until you see which direction they take it.  Apparently, this torture organization, fronted by Bobby Moynihan and Kyle Mooney, has thought up every type of time-wasting torturous activity we deal with on a daily basis.  This successfully took a downer of a topic and made it a winner of a sketch.

Monologue

I'll admit, the monologue was slightly lacking.  After discussing the fact that nobody knows who he is, we discover that apparently all Brits are the same and know each other.  On the positive side, we get to see Taran Killam's Alan Rickman impersonation and see Kate McKinnon be an old fashioned Brit.  For as good as this episode, and Martin Freeman, could be, this monologue was pretty bland.

Weekend Update

One of the reasons I was excited to see Colin Jost and Michael Che running Weekend Update this season was it freed up Cecily Strong to bring back Update characters, like "The Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party," and create new ones, like this week's "One-Dimensional Female Character From a Male-Driven Comedy."  Outside of having terrible names, these characters are so much fun.  They are her best bits she does on the show.  Second came Sasheer Zamata's first outing as herself as she discusses Apple's racism.  It sounds random until you realize iphone's hundreds of emojis do not have any of black people.  It's an interesting revelation that Sasheer vents on wonderfully.  Last, we have everyone's favorite Bar Mitzvah boy, Jacob.  That character never gets old.

Best Sketch

The standout sketch from this episode combined two of Martin Freeman's most iconic projects.  What did Bilbo do after he went on his adventure?  Well, he went to work in the British version of The Office.  Now, I have never seen that series, but I have seen the American version which gives me enough context to know that this sketch is genius.

Worst Sketch

This episode's worst sketch looked like it had a strong start.  The two talk show hosts were entertainingly annoying, and the concept of teasing the next segment a little too long and frequent is a great concept for the sketch.  The problem is it just went on too long, too far, and too stupid.

Dark Horse Sketch

Really none of the post-midnight sketches were strong enough to be worth mentioning so I went with one from earlier in the show that I really enjoyed.  One of the main cultural events of the holidays is people who usually don't go to church show up.  Some people call them "Chreasters" (Christmas/Easter) since that is when they come to church.  This sketch is a commercial for going home for the holidays and back to church with all its quirks.  You can tell this must have happened to a few of the writers as so many of the stereotypes they jump on are right on the mark.  Anyone who has experienced any sort of church stereotypes before will appreciate this sketch.

Grade

Although no sketch was truly great in this episode (perhaps with the exception of "The Hobbit Office"), no sketch truly failed miserably.  It was a fairly consistent episode from start to finish, led by its host.  Martin Freeman showed that he has the perfect skill set for a show like this.  I hope he stays relevant in pop culture, not only so more people will start to recognize him, but also so he can come back and host the show again.

***B***

View the full episode here:

SNL 40.8 Review - James Franco, Nicki Minaj

Original Airdate - 12/6/14

This episode is much more interesting looking back on now than it was in the moment.  James Franco was obviously hosting this episode as a part of his press run for The Interview, which ended up having a lot more significance in the weeks following his appearance.  With that said, as a host there are few that are better than James Franco.  He is one of the most versatile and self-deprecating actors working today.  I mean, he can go from an Oscar-nominated performance in 127 Hours to making attacking everything he stands for in This Is the End.  He is the perfect host.  Not to mention, whenever he hosts Seth Rogen shows up too, and vise versa.  When the previous episode lacked all originality, this episode brought it all back.

Cold Opening

The current event statement that needed to be made in this segment this week had to do with all the drama around the country surrounding police officers and alleged excessive force.  To comment on this, they use Kenan Thompson's Al Sharpton impression, which is about as close to a classic SNL character left on the show right now.  This character always makes me laugh, and it took a non-threatening uncontroversial personality to make the first comment on such a touchy subject for so many.  By having Al Sharpton address it, they were able to talk about it without really talking about it.  This was a fairly strong opening to the show.

Monologue

This monologue is by far the moment in this episode that looks a lot different now than it did when it aired.  When this episode was filmed, news had just started coming out about the Sony hack.  What now has become a potential international incident as North Korea was allegedly behind it to shut down the release of the fictional story of an assassination attempt on Kim Jung-Un that is The Interview, at that point it just looked like yet another invasion of the privacy of celebrities.  So with the help of his buddy Seth, James Franco reveals all the embarrassing pictures of the two of them that would no doubt be leaked as a part of the hack.  In the moment, it was a funny, silly bit.  Looking at it now, it is strange to watch and think that these two goof balls became the center of a near war with North Korea.

Weekend Update

Weekend Update started this week on an uncomfortable note as they co-anchors had to do their best addressing the police controversies.  Having one black and one white anchor made it easy to have some scripted banter about the situation, but it was just more awkward than funny.  It wasn't until Colin Jost addressed the issue as a native Staten Islander that the segment was able to hit its normal groove.  Our guest stars this week started with this season's first appearance of Anthony Crispino, the second-hand news correspondent.  I find parts of this bit hilarious, especially without Seth helping to cheesball it up, but Bobby always goes a little too far with it and ruins it by the end.  The second guest showed one of the purposes of this episode was to see if Nicki Minaj would be capable to host at some point.  She appeared in three sketches as musical guest, which is a level reserved usually only for former hosts returning as musical guests (unless you are Bruno Mars apparently ... still bitter about that).  Here, she attempts to channel Kim Kardashian to discuss her latest "break the internet" photo shoot.  Outside of her being pretty much the same shape as Kim, it wasn't a great impression.  Well actually, that's all that really matters in that impression so I guess it was right on.  Honestly, the main thing that this guest appearance did was leave everyone disappointed that Nasim Pedrad wasn't back to give one of her few great characters from her time on the show.  The last guest to the Update desk is the third appearance by Leslie Jones in the first 8 episodes of the season.  I'd complain, but she's just too funny.

Best Sketch

The first half of the episode brought about many solid episodes, but probably not any great ones.  The best of the group were these two.  First, you have the SNL version of the new Star Wars trailer.  It's a funny sketch, and I am a fan of any opportunity for Taran Killam to do his Harrison Ford impression.  Second, we have an MTV Christmas as everyone pulls out their best hip-hop impressions.  Again, Taran Killam is a genius,  How long before he becomes the next Will Ferrell?  It already could be said he has reached those heights on SNL.  He just needs to find the right vehicle to be made relevant outside the show.  This sketch also has another appearance by Nicki, this time channeling Beyonce.  Once again, I was disappointed it wasn't the former cast member coming back to do her famous impression (this time Maya Rudolph).  And once again, Nicki's impression is more about having the curves and not really trying anything, which made this impression ... once again, spot on.

Worst Sketch

There were not really any bad sketches, but this was my least favorite as it once again continued a disappointing trend.  This sketch of a strange troll having a new request to cross his bridge brought about another awkward character from Cecily Strong.  She has played pretty much this exact character three or four times before, and I have hated it every time.  It's not funny when she tries these dimwitted characters.  She is so talented that it depresses me to see her waste her screen time on these idiotic characters.

Dark Horse Sketch

The first of these Dark Horses might be my favorite sketch of the year so far.  Due to copyright issues, it took some effort to find a clip of it online, but it's worth watching even on the awkward format.  Jeremy is a young man who needs to change one of his passwords, but his brain is too full to store it.  We then go to James Franco playing Jeremy's memory manager taking us through all of the random things stuck in that brain of his.  The results are absolutely hilarious, from Sound Garden, to the word rhombus (but not the meaning), to the Fresh Prince, to the first two lines of the song "Anaconda" (yes, another appearance by Nicki).  Any child of the 90's will love this sketch just as much as I do.  The second sketch has become a standard close to the show over the last few seasons as Cecily and Vanessa bring back their infomercial by ex-porn stars.  I usually don't talk about return sketches on here, but having Franco and Rogen involved makes it funny enough that it's worth singling out.

Grade

This episode had a lot of things going on.  You had the return of one of the better hosts around.  You also had a musical guest basically interviewing for a future hosting gig.  I don't think she's ready, but I also wouldn't be surprised if she hosted her own show before the end of this season.  Then you had the news events going on.  Going into the episode, it was all about the police controversies across the country, but leaving the episode the talk had to be the Sony hack.  Few people really knew what this was at the time, but seeing James Franco and Seth Rogen make fun of it before they realized how serious it was sure was interesting to say the least.  With all of this going on, I am glad the primary focus of this review could still be a great episode to start off the three-week Christmas push at 30 Rock.

***A-***

View the full episode here:

Zach's Fearless NFL Playoff Predictions 2015: Wild Card Round

            It is football in January, which can only mean three things: Jesus, girls, and Marcus Mariota. January also means Oscar nominations, and if 2014 NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers and his calf injury doesn't get nominated this year, it will be the snub of the century.  But for those of us who cannot wait until January 12 at 8:30pm EST, there does happen to be an interesting slate of NFL games this weekend which can pass the time without too much anxiety.  So in honor of the greatest football moment this side of the butt fumble, let’s break down this weekend’s Wild Card matchups -- all featuring teams that would probably lose to the Ducks, in my completely unbiased opinion:

Arizona Cardinals at Carolina Panthers (-6)

Saturday, January 3, 4:35pm EST, ESPN.

            Take your pick for the more improbable storyline: On one side, you have a team that finished 2-4 down the stretch, hasn’t scored over 18 points since November 9, was outgained by 800 yards on the season, and is led by their fourth-string QB and second-string RB.  On the other side, you have the second team in NFL history to make the playoffs with a losing record (a team that went 63 days without winning a game), a QB still recovering from a bizarre car crash, and a franchise that hasn’t won a home playoff game in 11 years.

            Carolina actually had a good season – if you conveniently omit October and November from the equation.  Those two months aside, the Panthers went 6-2 and in those six wins allowed a paltry average of 10.1 points.  And say what you will about the pathetic NFC South, the Panthers actually played formidably against quality opponents.  They beat Detroit by 17, tied Cincinnati, and gave up the game-winning touchdown to the Seahawks with under a minute remaining.  In their current four-game winning streak, the running game has come alive, with Jonathan Stewart averaging just over 400 yards per game.  Kelvin Benjamin and Greg Olsen both gained over 1,000 receiving yards on a team that didn’t particularly like to pass, and they can both rumble over even the best defenders.  And while it would be hard to mistake the 2014 Panthers defense for their excellent 2013 unit, Carolina held half of its opponents to under 19 points and only allowed only three 300-yard passers all season.  I somehow doubt that number will reach four after Saturday.

            The case for Arizona is that Bruce Arians is a brilliant coach.  And that’s about it.  Ryan Lindley did look noticeably better against a depleted 49ers secondary last week, but the Cardinals still only scored 17 points and Lindley had three picks.  If that’s the best your quarterback can play, are you really telling me there is no better option?  But the problem isn’t only at QB; the Cardinals were only 4-4 on the road this year with their one impressive victory coming against a Tony Romo-less Cowboys.  Even with Andre Ellington playing 12 games, Arizona had the second-worst rushing offense in football and gave up the fourth-most passing yards.  I imagine it must be tough for Cardinals players to keep composure and focus in the midst of such a collapse; on November 30, when Arizona was 9-3, could they ever have imagined traveling on the road to play 3-8-1 Carolina?

            So the real question is how did Arizona ever make the playoffs in the first place?  They were 6-0 under Carson Palmer, 5-3 under Drew Stanton, and 0-2 under Lindley (which brings his career NFL record to 1-7).  With Stanton ruled out for Saturday’s game, there seems little hope Arizona can muster much of anything.  But you know what?  This isn’t the first time people have said this about the Cardinals.  Remember the 1998 “Cardiac Cards” team with Jake Plummer that won all their games in the last few seconds and snuck into the playoffs?  No one thought they’d do anything, and lo and behold, they stunned Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith in Big D.  Remember the 2008 Cardinals squad which people claimed was the worst team ever to make the playoffs?  We all know what happened after that.  So here we are yet again, with a well-coached Cardinals team that did win 11 games and is a 6-point underdog to a team that won four fewer games and a super-hyped QB who tellingly has yet to win a playoff game. 

            So that’s my best case for the Cardinals – that as a franchise, they’re used to being significant underdogs.  Hell, I still remember thinking that the ’08 team didn’t have a chance against Matt Ryan as a rookie.  I was wrong, and so was the rest of the country.  So keep belittling them if you want to.  But I don’t think anyone’s going to be wrong about this one.

Prediction: Carolina 31, Arizona 10.

Playoff Doppelganger: 2012 NFC Wild Card, Green Bay 24, Minnesota 10.  This was the season where child abuser contrite and honorable Adrian Peterson ran for 2,000 yards and the Vikings snuck in the playoffs with Mr. Samantha Ponder at QB.  Then the Vikings did the most Vikings-like thing imaginable and put in converted WR Joe Webb at starting quarterback against the Packers at Lambeau Field. Because that was such a great idea.  Webb finished 11/30 for 180 yards and the Vikings lost by two scores in a game more boring than a Leslie Frazier press conference.  The only thing I really remember about this game is that NBC inexplicably made this their prime time game of Wild Card weekend.  If we’re living in a world where no one at NBC was fired for that inexcusable move and Ryan Lindley is the starting quarterback of a playoff team, then there really is no hope for humanity.

Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers (- 3)

Saturday, January 3, 8:15pm EST, NBC.

            The obvious candidate for NBC’s prime time game – one of the best modern rivalries in sports, three combined titles in the last ten years, and the serious potential for brawls and punches polite jostling and great family-friendly entertainment.  Inexplicably, the two previous 2014 games where these two teams squared off were outright disappointments – a 20-point Ravens victory in Baltimore on Week 2, and a 20-point Steelers victory in Pittsburgh on Week 9.  These games used to always be close and contentious;

            The “eye test” would certainly seem to favor the Steelers here.  They’ve had a tremendous December going 4-0, with Roethlisberger throwing a lone pick in 137 pass attempts and Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown turning into 2014’s own Marshall Faulk and Torry Holt.  They have some impressive wins on their resume too (besides the Baltimore win): Indianapolis, Carolina, Cincinnati (twice), Kansas City, and Houston.  But when you look deeper, you see some inexplicable losses (Tampa Bay and New Orleans at home, along with the Jets and Browns) and a defense that gave up 4,243 passing yards and 30 TDs.  The Steelers strength is unquestionably their offense, and they are 9-1 when scoring 27 points or more.  But that also means they are 2-4 in games scoring 26 points or less, and with Bell status doubtful for Saturday, suddenly 27 points may seem like a tall order, even at home.

            For a team historically considered so similar to the Steelers (great defense, strong running game, big boring QB), it’s a little remarkable how different the 2014 Ravens’ problems are from the Steelers.  Unlike Pittsburgh, Baltimore has been riddled with injuries all season, not just this past week.  Their offense has been horribly shaky down the stretch.  If you take away their 4^th quarter collapse against the Chargers (a game that, with under three minutes remaining, Baltimore had a 99.7 percent chance of winning), here’s how the Ravens offense has fared down the stretch in what should have been a pretty easy December: 28 points against Miami, 20 points against Jacksonville, 13 points against Houston, and 20 points against Cleveland.  Justin Forsett was a nice comeback story for most of the season, but looked downright ordinary in December and has only one touchdown since Thanksgiving. But the defense has played tough (or is it that opposing offenses have been weak?) and the Ravens are one of three teams in the NFL to be in the top ten in scoring offense and defense (the Patriots and the Seahawks are the other two).  Baltimore is 8-0 in games allowing under 17 points.

            I tend to think both of these teams are slightly overrated, due in large part to playing the NFC South and AFC South divisions and having the cache of winning recent Super Bowls.  I don’t see the winner of this game coming away from Foxborough or Denver victorious.  So in light of Baltimore’s offensive woes and Pittsburgh’s erratic play as well as the uncertain status of Bell, this game is pretty evenly matched.  But I’m picking the Ravens in this game, and here are a few reasons why: Baltimore ranked 2^nd in the NFL in sacks (49), while Pittsburgh ranked 26^th (33); even with Bell in the lineup, Pittsburgh was the definition of a mediocre running team, ranking 16^th, while Baltimore was a top-four defense against the run.  And while the Ravens have looked vulnerable against the deep pass, I’d still take Lardarius Webb, Darian Stewart and Matt Elam over Brice McCain, Mike Mitchell, and Troy Polamalu.  Or maybe the real point is, neither unit is exceptional.

            The real reason I like Baltimore? (SPOILER ALERT) I like all the home teams this weekend.  As everyone knows, one of the cardinal rules of NFL playoff gambling is that at least one road team wins in the Wild Card and Divisional Rounds.  The Ravens are experienced, know how to win in Pittsburgh, and certainly look more poised than Arizona, Detroit, and Cincinnati to pull an upset over a Pittsburgh team missing their most dynamic offensive weapon. We all know what happens when Roethlisberger is put under pressure, and if the Ravens’ offensive line can protect Forsett, it’s worth remembering that the Steelers are 1-4 when allowing over 140 yards on the ground.  Plus, as a pessimistic Patriots fan, I really don’t want to see the Ravens in the playoffs again.

Prediction: Baltimore 23, Pittsburgh 20.

Playoff doppelganger: NFC Wild Card Round, 2004, St. Louis 27, Seattle 20.  The 8-8 Rams weren’t really good at much (a -73 point differential and a ridiculous -24 turnover margin), but they did know how to beat the 9-7 Seahawks, and in 2004 defeating Seattle constituted for 1/3 of the Rams’ victories for the season.  It may come as a shock to the Seahawk fan base (for whom nothing interesting ever happened in football or in life prior to 2010), but the St. Louis-Seattle divisional rivalry was once pretty exciting back in the days when the NFC West was terrible.  Surprisingly few people picked the Rams back then and surprisingly few people are picking the Ravens this week.

Cincinnati Bengals at Indianapolis Colts (-3½)

Sunday, January 4, 1:05pm EST, CBS.

            It’s a matchup of the two kings of wild card weekend!  This is the third straight year (and fourth in the last five years) that the Colts play in the wild card round and the fourth consecutive year (and fifth in the last six years) for the Bengals.  Their records in the wild card round since 2009?  Indy is 1-2 and Cincy is, as we all know, 0-5.  Isn’t it amazing to think that without that epic Andy Reid-Alex Smith 28-point collapse last year, these two teams would be 0-8 in playoff games the last five years?

            Considering both franchises’ underwhelming recent performances in the postseason, it should not come as a surprise that of all the games this weekend, this is the one I am least looking forward to.  Simply put, neither team merits that much excitement (I wish I could say that with each of their combined playoff experience the winner is primed for a deep run, but the talent simply isn’t there).  The Colts are the very definition of Bill Simmons’ category of the “good bad team”: A team that beats up on lousy teams (Washington, Cleveland, the Giants) while playing in an even lousier division (Tennessee, Houston, Jacksonville) and loses to good teams (Pittsburgh, Dallas, New England).  And “loses” is an understatement – they lost those three games by a combined 74 points.  We know about Andrew Luck being a spectacular quarterback and even Trent Richardson quietly having a competent season by somehow averaging over 3 yards per carry and only having two fumbles.  When I look at their schedule, I see only two impressive wins by Indianapolis: A 20-13 home victory over the Ravens in Week 5 and (you guessed it) a 27-0 thrashing of Cincinnati at home in Week 7.

            So if Indy beats up on the bad teams but can’t beat the good ones, the only real question of this game is whether Cincinnati is a good team or not.  To help answer this question, I took a trip to the archives, looked at some of my previous previews of Wild Card weekend, and reexamined what I said about the Bengals.  Here is what I found:

2012: “They went 0-7 against playoff teams this year; they haven’t won a playoff game since 1991 and have never won a postseason game on the road; since November 6, they’ve won one road game, and it was against the Rams; they lost to the Texans at home on December 11, and gave up 300 passing yards to T.J. Yates.  Oh, and they’re the Cincinnati Bengals.”

2013: “Are [the Bengals] winning in spectacular fashion?  Not exactly. The offensive line has surrendered 46 sacks, which makes J.J. Watt fans understandably salivate.  But A.J. Green (1,350 receiving yards, 11 touchdowns) is a huge receiving target, and Andy Dalton threw more touchdowns than Schaub, Eli Manning, Ben Roethlisberger, and Philip Rivers . . . The “rematch” factor will undoubtedly favor the Bengals, who are still bitter after last year’s 31-10 defeat, and are desperately seeking their first playoff win since 1991 (Andy Dalton is also no longer a rookie).”

2014: “No one has ever really believed in Cincinnati, a franchise that hasn’t won a game since 1991, and is 0-4 in the postseason under Marvin Lewis . . . The Best case for Cincinnati is their 8-0 record at home.  As a Patriots fan who saw home playoff losses in three of the past four years, I can say 8-0 in the regular season doesn’t mean crap.  Since 2005, the recipe for winning in the playoffs has been based around momentum, emotion, the ability to win on the road, and experienced, fearless quarterback play.”

            You’ll have to excuse me for sounding like a broken record.  But you also gotta admit, that last sentence is pretty darn accurate and predicting San Diego to go into chilly Cincinnati and beat the Bengals by multiple scores last January was one of the smartest picks I’ve ever made in this column (crucially en route to my 4-0 record last year’s wild card weekend).  So is there anything to add to this year’s description of the Bengals?  Not really.  Jeremy Hill has looked really good.  Before dropping last weekend’s game in Heinz Field, the Bengals had won four straight road games (albeit against New Orleans, Houston, Tampa Bay, and Cleveland).  Cincinnati is 9-0-1 when scoring 22 or more and 8-0 when allowing under 23 points.  Their only impressive wins were their season sweep of Baltimore and their mildly flukish Monday night win against the Broncos.

            Cincinnati has all the talent to beat the Good Bad Colts, but they won’t because Andy Dalton doesn’t win big games and Marvin Lewis is the Marty Shottenheimer of this generation.  Indy has looked shaky, but let’s remember that they clinched the AFC South practically in September and if you take out the Dallas fiasco, the Colts won five of their final six games.  I get the sense that #ChuckStrong and company have pulled a Dwayne Wade and have checked out for much of the season in preparation for the playoffs (that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll play well).  The best case for Cincinnati is that Andy Dalton likes playing 1pm Sunday games and they have to win a playoff game at some point, right?  Even Susan Lucci eventually won an Emmy. The best case for me is that the winner of this game flies to Foxborough.

Prediction: Indianapolis 37, Cincinnati 21.

Playoff doppelganger: 2004 AFC Wild Card, Indianapolis 49, Denver 24.  The Jake Plummer-era Broncos are the best parallel to the Andy Dalton-era Bengals: A borderline competent quarterback incapable of reaching the next level but buoyed by good coaching, a strong running game and an above-average regular season defense.  And Andrew Luck, like Peyton Manning early in his career, feasted on bad teams and couldn’t beat the good ones like New England and Pittsburgh.  In this game, Reggie Wayne had 10 receptions for 221 yards and two scores; last year in the Wild Card round, T.Y. Hilton had 13 receptions for 224 yards and two scores.  Andrew Luck has both of them at his arsenal.

Detroit Lions at Dallas Cowboys (-7½)

Sunday, January 4, 4:40pm EST, FOX.

            It wouldn’t feel right watching this game without turkey, stuffing, and gravy, but at the same time, it doesn’t really feel right watching this game, period.  The Cowboys didn’t have another December collapse?  The Lions won 11 games with a 22^nd ranked offense and 3^rd ranked defense?  Either Tony Romo or Matthew Stafford will emerge from a playoff game victorious?  Something in the universe feels awry.  What happened to the annual Packers-49ers or Eagles-Saints wild card game? 

            The case for the Cowboys: They played December like a desperate Mountain West college team making their case to be in the BCS title game (scoring 41, 38, 42, and 44 points in each game respectively); their offensive line was so outstanding that it propelled Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray into legitimate MVP candidates (why giving a collective MVP to the Dallas offensive line was never a serious discussion confounds me; this is the same league that once gave MVP to a kicker); the Dallas defense ranked second in total takeaways with 31; they went undefeated on the road, something only five other teams have ever done in NFL history.  Each of those teams at very minimum advanced to the Super Bowl.

            This means that, strangely enough, homefield advantage could be anything but advantageous to Dallas.  The Cowboys went 4-4 at home, but two of those losses occurred when Romo was injured and a third was on Week One.  Thus, the only loss that adequately demonstrates Dallas’ weaknesses was their Thanksgiving Day 23-point thrashing at the hands of Mark Sanchez and the Eagles.  So how did Philadelphia win that game?  The Eagles stacked the line of scrimmage and pressured Romo relentlessly, resulting in two interceptions and only 73 rushing yards for Murray (his lowest total of the season when healthy).  Philadelphia’s up-tempo offense converted 8 third downs and ran for 256 yards on the ground. 

            Therefore, the steps to beating Dallas is relatively simple: Successfully run the ball (the Cowboys are 1-3 when allowing over 123 rushing yards); force turnovers (the Cowboys are 3-4 when turning the ball over 2 or more times; they are 9-0 in all other games); and hold Dallas to under 20 points (the Cowboys are 0-4 in such games).  It’s not rocket science.  But the problem is that successfully achieving those things is easier said than done, and Detroit doesn’t exactly appear to be the best team to take Dallas down.

            To be fair, the Lions look surprisingly formidable on paper: They had the third-best scoring defense in football and held all but five opponents under 17 points.  Calvin Johnson and Reggie Bush are finally healthy (think for a moment how much more amazing that sentence would have sounded 7-8 years ago) and Jim Caldwell knows how to win in the playoffs.  Furthermore, Tony Romo has inexplicably struggled against the Lions, going 1-3 in his career against Detroit.  In the last two Detroit-Dallas games, the Lions overcame second-half deficits of 24 and 10 points respectively, and Megatron had a total of 425 receiving yards.  And even though Stafford has a record of 0-1 in the postseason, it’s only one fewer win than Romo’s record of 1-3.

            But then you have to step back and look at the most telling statistic of Stafford’s career – a stat which was repeatedly brought up by Joe and Troy in last week’s loss to the Packers: In road games against teams above .500, Stafford has a lifetime record of 0-16. Yikes.  Ben Roethlisberger and Meryl Streep Aaron Rodgers won Super Bowls as 6 seeds.  Joe Flacco and Eli Manning had to make epic road trips to win their titles.  Peyton and Tom, the same (maybe someday the most recent Super Bowl winning QB will actually have to win a meaningful playoff game on the road). The point is this: Dallas and Detroit both possess individual components of what could potentially make a championship team – the Cowboys’ offensive line, the Lions’ defensive line, and Dez Bryant and Megatron.  Both have the ability to clinch a Super Bowl appearance and maybe even win a title.  The difference is that one of these teams knows how to win on the road, while the other team still has not figured it out (and frankly, they haven’t figured it out since the days of Bobby Layne).  Don’t overthink this one.

Prediction: Dallas 35, Detroit 17.

Playoff Doppelganger: 2009 NFC Wild Card, Dallas 34, Philadelphia 14.  You may not remember this, but the 2009 Cowboys also went into the playoffs red-hot after beating the 13-0 Saints in New Orleans and shutting out the Eagles in the season finale.  The only real memorable thing about Tony Romo’s lone playoff victory was dog abuser rehabilitated Michael Vick throwing his first touchdown pass in three seasons.  The excitement over Romo exorcising his postseason demons was short-lived, however, as Dallas went to Minnesota the next week and lost by 31.  I somehow don’t see a repeat of that happening this time.

Thoughts?  Disagreements?  Angry that I did not meet my quota of Tom Brady references?  Write below.

SNL 40.7 Review - Cameron Diaz, Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars

Original Airdate - 11/22/14

I am going to admit something that probably isn't going to be quite popular.  I am not a big Cameron Diaz fan.  I know, I know, I know.  Don't crucify me.  I just don't find her that funny.  I think she is a great dramatic actress (on the rare occasion she has the opportunity to show that side of her), but outside of her first movie The Mask and some random moments here and there, I don't appreciate her comedy.  With that in mind, you can imagine I was a little less than thrilled when I found out she would be hosting.  Add to that Bruno Mars being one of the musical guests, who was a surprisingly successful combo host a couple season ago, I was really scratching my head.  I would love to say this episode proved me wrong about the host, but unfortunately the episode matched my opinion of her: mediocre.

Cold Opening

The highlight of the episode actually came in the Cold Open as the writing staff produced the first memorable start to the show this season.  This episode's statement on current events pertained to President Obama's executive order changing immigration policy without getting a vote from the House or the Senate.  That's not the way things usually work.  That's what I learned from School House Rock.  Apparently the writers were thinking the same thing as they recreated their "I'm Just a Bill" sketch.  The difference is after some time the Executive Order comes out and sings his own verse while Pharaoh's Obama pushes the Bill back down the steps of Capitol Hill.  It's a great sketch about a great topic using a great pop culture reference.  I loved this sketch, but I hate when this is the highlight of the show.

Monologue

This may have been the worst monologue of the season so far.  Everyone mailed it in on this one.  They didn't even try!  It was like they got to 11:20 and realized they had forgotten to write a monologue so they threw this together at the last minute.  I understand bad sketches, but at least show some effort!

Weekend Update

I don't know why, but I don't necessarily find Kate McKinnon's impression of German Chancellor Angela Merkel that funny.  I feel like I should, but I don't.  So whenever she pops up, I'm slightly disappointed.  The second guest to the Update desk was Charles Manson and his new fiance.  Taran Killam is great at playing a psychopath, and there are some funny bits here, but making fun of Manson just seems a little too easy.  Again, a lot of this episode lacked creativity.  As is starting to become the norm, Jost and Che once again are pretty great.

Best Sketch

Some of the sketches were pretty solid.  This was the best of them as girls once again challenge their inner bad girl (a la "Twin Bed" from last season) to talk about going home for the holidays.  Even though I felt like I had seen this before, the cast additions really made it feel fresh, highlighted by Leslie Jones's Missy Elliott-esque verse.

Worst Sketch

Cameron Diaz's latest project is the reinvention of Annie starring Jamie Foxx and Quvenzhane Wallis.  So they made Annie black.  I thought it was a creative idea to freshen up a classic story.  This sketch made it weird.  Once again, it's like the writers didn't even try.  I know it is the custom to design a sketch around the host's latest project, but it was like the writers said, "Let's throw a red wig on Leslie Jones and let her just shout random crap."  Jay Pharaoh is a master impressionist, but his Jamie Foxx is about as weak as I have seen him.  Again, at least try to make a good sketch...

Dark Horse Sketch

...like this one!  This is a perfect example of a Dark Horse Sketch: creative, weird, off-beat, not necessarily full of laughs but fun nevertheless.  It's the effort that counts; an effort that was lacking in most of the episode.  In this sketch, they pull out every cliche of an overly-artistic play.  It's a little strange, but I enjoyed it.

Grade

The Cold Opening in this episode may go down as a top 10 sketch of the season, however the rest of the episode just felt mailed in.  There were three repeat sketches also that failed in comparison to the originals.  I was fairly bored with the majority of this episode, like I usually am watching Cameron Diaz in a comedy.  This mediocre episode was compounded by the fact that a former host as musical guest wasn't utilized at all.  Have Bruno Mars appear in something!  I guess that would have been just a little too creative for this particular episode.

***C-***

View the full episode here:

January 2015 Movie Preview!!

January 2015

New Year, New Films, and New Journeys to take!

Happy New Year folks!  Hope everyone had a safe and festive New Year celebration.  With the start of 2015, it brings a whole new year of films.  Films that will win Oscars, make us laugh, cry, and also disappoint us.  The anticipation is brewing to finally go back to a galaxy far, far away.  But that's for another time.  Lets do a quick look back at the best movies of each month from last year.

January

Big Bad Wolves and Jack Ryan:Shadow Recruit

February:

The Lego Movie and Robocop

March:

Enemy and The Grand Budapest Hotel

April:

Captain America: The Winter Solider and Locke

May:

X-Men Days of Futures Past and Chef

June:

Snowpiercer and The Fault in Our Stars

July:

Boyhood and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

August:

Guardians of the Galaxy and Calvary

September:

The Equalizer and The Skeleton Twins   

October:

Birdman and Whiplash

November:

Big Hero 6 and The Theory of Everything

December:

Top Five and The Hobbit:Battle of the Five Armies

The best month of last year has to go to October.  Four of my favorite films came out that month.  It was a lot of fun.

Alright, lets get this started!

(W.R.)-mean Wide Release

January 2nd:

The Woman in Black 2: Angels of Death, and [REC] 4: Apocalypse

January 9th:

Taken 3, Selma (W.R.), Inherent Vise (W.R.), Preservation, and Predestination

Excitement: 1.5

Reason:  I never seen the second one of these movies.  This one looks like it should be called The Fugitive 2

Excitement: 2.5

Reason:  Well from the first trailer, I didn't like the look of this film.  Slowly overtime it has grown on me.  I'm looking forward to seeing Tim Roth, that guys is always so good in everything.

Excitement: 3

Reason:  So, I'm still on media black out for this movie.  I will be going in blind to see this.  

January 16th:

The Wedding Ringer, Paddington, Blackhat, American Sniper (W.R.), Still Alice (W.R.), Son of a Gun, and Spare Parts

Excitement: 2

Reason:  Mr. January, Kevin Hart, is back with a new comedy.  Josh Gad plays a guy who is getting married and has no friends.  So he hires Kevin Hart to be his best man.

Excitement: 2

Reason:  This movie was pushed back from Christmas to now.  I remember reading these books as a kid.  So who knows how this will turn out.

Excitement: 2.5

Reason: Bradley Cooper has totally transformed into this role.  Looks like it could be intense.  

January 23rd:

Strange Magic, The Boy Next Door, Mortdecai, Black Sea, Black or White, Red Army, and Against the Sun

Excitement: 3

Reason:  I really enjoy movies that play with the things in the news.  This movie is about a teacher who decides to sleep with the next door neighbor.  After she comes to her senses he stalks her and looks like it could be a good suspense movie as well.

January 30th:

The Loft, Project Almanac, Alien: Outpost, Coming Home

Excitement: 3

Reason: Karl Urban and James Marsden start in a suspense thriller.  A group of guys share a loft and when they return to it they find a dead women inside.  But who did it and why???

Top Five Movies Im looking forward to:

1. Inherent Vice

2. Selma

3. The Boy Next Door

4. The Loft

5. American Sniper

Top Five Performances I'm looking forward to:

1. Joaquin Phoenix- Inherent Vice

2. Tim Roth- Selma

3. Bradley Cooper- American Sniper

4. Jennifer Lopez- The Boy Next Door

5. Karl Urban- The Loft

Summary of the Previous Month:

  I was really busy last month so I couldn't see a whole lot of films.  

1. Top Five

2. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

3. Into the Woods

4. Exodus: Gods and Kings

And my favorite performances...

1. Rosario Dawson- Top Five

2. Martin Freeman- The Hobbit: TBOTFA

3. Emily Blunt- Into the Woods

4. Issac Andrews- Exodus:Gods and Kings

5. Chris Rock- Top Five

   Well I'm looking forward to this year!!!  Hopefully its as good as last year was.

Thank you for reading 

-Adam